that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
