I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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