they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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