i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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