Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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