I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
