My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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