Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Rumble strips road head = magical
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
