So drunk its hurt
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
