My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
