The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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