All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
