he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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