I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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