and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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