we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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