Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
