i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
