My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
