So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
