when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
