I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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