My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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