Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
