his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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