I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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