Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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