I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
