I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
