why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
