Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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