You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
