just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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