I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
