Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
