she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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