I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize