i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
