I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
