i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
