I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
