Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
