One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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