i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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