Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
