: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
