I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
