omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
