for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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