I wish I could punch you in the face.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
