I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
