so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
