You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
