I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
