there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
