never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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